


Life's a Gas

by Bee4ever



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-25 20:03:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/642474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bee4ever/pseuds/Bee4ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Sunny and Sides pull the ultimate prank?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone! Here is a brand new story for you! I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoy writing it. Warning: Do not eat or drink while reading this story. I cannot be held responsible for damage to your computer from laughing while you read. By the way, although the characters in this story are from the movie, this story will in no way follow the movie. I also added Sunny. He should have been in the movie anyway! 

 

It was late at night, around 2:00 a.m. at the Autobot base, and the terror twins, a.k.a. Sunny and Sides couldn’t recharge, so they were watching Blazing Saddles on the enormous television in the rec room. They had just seen the part where the cowboys were eating beans by the fire and one of them was farting every time he reached for more beans. 

“Oh wow, bro! That reminds me of the time Ironhide got a hold of a batch of unprocessed energon! Man, was he ripe! Even Chromia wouldn’t come near him. He had to recharge in the target range!” Sides said, cracking up. 

“I know what you mean, bro.” Sunny replied, laughing hysterically. Prime made him drive behind everyone else for a week, cause no one wanted to be on the receiving end of one of his backfires! Wait an astrosecond, bro! This is giving me an idea for an awesome prank! This will be our best prank, yet!” Sunny cried.

Sides suddenly got a wicked gleam in his optics. “What have you got in mind, bro?” He asked.

“All we have to do is sneak into Ratchet’s medbay and grab some unrefined energon, and replace the energon in the rec room dispenser with it, and watch the fun!” Sunny chuckled evilly.

“Sweet idea, bro! Let’s do it!” Sides exclaimed. 

They left the rec room and made their way toward medbay, stopping outside the door to listen for any movement inside. They wanted to make sure ol’ Hatchet was nowhere in sight. If he caught them in his medbay, not only would they wind up with several dents in their helms, but they would be dealing with an enraged Hatchet, and THAT was worse than facing Megatron! In fact, Megatron himself would run screaming like a sparkling from an enraged Hatchet! After they had listened for awhile and all was quiet, they sneaked inside and found a full container of unrefined energon. Sunny paced it in his subspace, and they both left quickly and quietly, but not before adding some to Ratchet’s dispenser! 

“Next stop, the rec room!” Sides said, chuckling quietly. 

They arrived at the rec room, and Sunny proceeded to pour quite a bit into the dispenser. They had decided to mix it with the regular energon, so it wouldn’t be detected right away, as unrefined energon has a distinct and slightly unpleasant flavor. 

“Hey, Sides, what about boss bot? He has his own dispenser in his quarters. It wouldn’t be very nice to leave him out, now would it?” Sunny said. 

“Do you have a deactivation wish, Sunny? Ironhide is gonna be bad enough! Prime will hand us our backsides on a Cybertronium platter!” Sides almost shrieked. 

“Aww, Come on! Live a little! Take the chance! This will be hilarious, and so totally worth it!” Sunny said. 

“Well, all right, let’s go. But if we get caught, I’m telling Prime this was all your idea!” Sides said.

“If I were you, Sides, I’d worry more about that spark mate of his. Elita 1 is even scarier than Prime when she’s angry, plus she’s a crack shot with that plasma rifle of hers.”

As the two continued their discussion, they made their way to Prime’s quarters. They carefully hacked into the door controls, and the door slid open with a soft hiss. They heard a low rattling noise coming from the berthroom. 

“What is that funny noise, Sides?” Sunny whispered.

Sides listened for a moment more, then burst into silent giggles. “Oh wow, bro! Prime is snoring!” He said, nearly doubled over now. Upon hearing that, Sunny also doubled over in silent laughter. 

“We have to hurry, bro. We don’t want to get caught in here.” Sunny said, regaining his composure. 

“Yeah, let’s do this and get out of here!” Sides exclaimed quietly.

They quickly located the energon dispenser and poured in the remaining unrefined energon, and left Prime’s quarters, locking the door behind them. After disposing of the empty container, they returned to their quarters, and went to recharge, still chuckling about their latest prank.

Optimus and Elita awoke bright and early the next morning, and Elita busied herself heating some energon for Optimus. After it was warm enough, she filled an extra large cube and brought it to him. 

“Here you go, sweetspark. I made you extra today, because I know you have a meeting with Galloway today, and those meetings are always so long. You probably won’t be able to get anymore until dinner, and I don’t want my mech starving when he gets home. Galloway is enough to deal with.” Elita said, sweetly, handing him the extra large cube. 

“Thank you, my love.” He rumbled softly, giving her a quick peck on the cheek plates. Taking the cube from her, he drank it quickly and threw the empty cube in the trash. “I need to get to that meeting now, Elita. I will see you later this evening, sweetspark.” 

Optimus exited his quarters and quickly made his way to the hangar where Galloway, Lennox, and Epps were waiting to discuss the latest Decepticon threat. Entering the hangar, he walked over to the catwalk that the humans were seated around a small table, awaiting the Prime. Optimus lowered himself into an enormous chair designed with his massive height and weight in mind, and began to speak. 

“Good morning, gentlemen. I trust you all are ready to begin?” Optimus asked. 

“Get on with it, Prime, I haven’t got all day. Unlike you, I actually have something important to do. I don’t get to go gallivanting all over the world chasing a nonexistent threat!” Galloway sneered.

“Can it, Galloway! You haven’t seen the Decepticons like Epps and I have! You don’t know what they are capable of!” Lennox yelled. 

“Please, let us remain calm, gentlemen. Arguing amongst ourselves solves nothing. That is the Decepticon way, not ours.” Optimus said. No one noticed Optimus beginning to squirm slightly. Unbeknownst to the humans, Prime was beginning to feel a slight discomfort in his tanks. Being Prime, he ignored it and continued with the meeting, discussing the latest attacks. Optimus tried valiantly to hide his growing discomfort, but much to his chagrin, he found he could no longer ignore the painful cramping in his tanks. Knowing what was coming, and wanting desperately to retain his dignity, he interrupted Lennox as he was discussing the attack on Shanghai. 

“Excuse me, Major Lennox, but I need to see Ratchet, as I am feeling a bit unwell this morning. We will continue this meeting tomorrow, perhaps.” Optimus said.

“Understood Optimus; feel better, boss bot” Lennox said. 

Optimus turned around, but before he could walk away, Galloway spoke up. “Don’t you walk away from me, you overgrown tin can!” He yelled. “I am not leaving here until I have some explanations, or I will recommend the shutdown of this whole organization!” He yelled, flailing his arms about. 

“Mr. Galloway, I assure you, I will be more than happy to continue this tomorrow, but right now I am feeling a bit unwell and must take my leave. If you will excuse me.” Optimus turned around again, now with a sense of urgency, and began to walk away. Galloway opened his mouth to yell at Prime again, but before he could say a word, it happened.

 

BRAAAAAAAAAP!!!

The resulting “wind” was enough to send Galloway flying off the catwalk and across the hangar, but luckily for him (nuts!) he landed on a pile of training mats and lay there in a daze, shocked, but relatively unharmed. Lennox and Epps stood there speechless for a moment, and burst into hysterical laughter. 

“My apologies, gentlemen.” Optimus muttered lowly, faceplates flush with embarrassment. He turned and exited the hangar and quickly ran for the medbay, but not before another loud BRAAAP! was heard in the hallway. 

“Whoa Epps, that was ripe! I never knew the big bot had that in him!” Lennox said, still laughing hysterically.

“I know what you mean, man! He literally blew Galloway away! Serves the jerk right, yelling at boss bot like that!” Epps was doubled over, holding his stomach by now. 

By this time, Galloway had recovered and hollered up at the catwalk where Lennox and Epps were trying to regain some composure, and failing miserably. “You two clowns can tell Prime that I will consider this an attack on my person, and it will be dealt with accordingly” Galloway said, as he stormed out of the hangar.

 

Well, there’s the first chapter. Galloway got what he deserved, didn’t he? I just couldn’t resist putting him in the line of fire, so to speak! I am going to try to do a chapter for most of the bots from the first movie, as I don’t quite know how to write Jolt, Que, Dino, Mudflap, or Skids. So that leaves Bee, Ironhide, Ratchet, and Jazz. Until All Are One


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Ratchet's turn!

The next “victim” of the Twins’ prank is…….Ratchet! Thanks to all who read and reviewed my story!

Optimus made his way to Ratchet’s medbay as fast as his huge form could go. He was already mortified at having “backfired” as he had, but took a secret delight (as evidenced by a smirk behind his battle mask) at having gotten even with Galloway, even if it was accidental. Finally arriving at the medbay (after leaving a few more backfires in his wake), he stepped through the doors to be confronted by a noxious odor. 

“Primus, Ratchet! What happened in here?” Prime asked, covering his noseplates. “What is that horrible odor?” Prime called out, only to duck as a wrench narrowly missed colliding with his helm. 

“Sorry, Prime. I thought you were one of the terrible twosome, coming in here to aggravate me further. As for the odor, I have been backfiring all freaking morning! It is driving me insane! I can’t get anything BRAAAAAP! accomplished! Ugh! Primus, that stinks! I am sure the Terror Twins are involved somehow, and when I find out how, I will weld them to the ceiling!! BRAAAAAAAP! Wow, that’s ripe! Sorry, Prime. Now, what brings you here?” Ratchet groused.

“It seems we are experiencing the same -ahem- unfortunate problem, old friend” Optimus rumbled. “Unfortunately, one of my backfires sent Galloway clear across the hangar. He was fortunate to land on some training mats left there. I was hoping you would know what is causing this, and be able to provide treatment for it.” 

Upon hearing of Galloway’s impromptu “flight” across the hangar, Ratchet exploded in uncontrollable laughter. Unfortunately, the harder he laughed, the more (and louder!) he backfired!

“Oh Primus! BRAAAAP! That’s priceless! I would have loved to see the look on his face! BRAAAAAAAP! It served him right for being a complete jerk to everyone whenever he shows his miserable face around here!” BRAAAAAAAAAP! 

After several minutes, Ratchet was able to calm himself down enough to properly address his old friend’s problem. “I have been working on this all morning, and I haven’t been able to find an effective treatment for it yet. In order to do that, I must first find out what is causing the problem, and I keep coming up empty handed, as the humans say. When did your problem start, Prime?” Ratchet asked. 

“This morning, during a meeting, I noticed a slight twinge in my tanks. I tried to ignore it and focus on the task at hand, and succeeded for a couple of hours, but ultimately failed, with rather -ahem- explosive results.” Prime said, looking rather sheepish. Just then, Prime felt a familiar rumbling deep in his tanks. “Uh oh! Ratchet!!! INCOMING!!!” BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP! The resulting backfire caught Ratchet off guard, and knocked him squarely on his enormous yellow rear!

“What in Cybertron was that? It sounded like a sonic boom, Prime! Primus, what a smell! Good grief, what crawled in your exhaust and died?!” Ratchet yelled, fanning his servo in front of his noseplates. “I need to keep working on this problem, and having you in here backfiring like that is distracting, never mind the damage it could cause to my medbay! Now GET OUT! Go back to your quarters, and don’t come out until I call for you! Don’t argue Prime, or I will declare you unfit for duty, although those backfires of yours are enough to send Megatron running for cover! Phew!! I’ll never get the smell out of here!”

Optimus quickly left medbay and left Ratchet to his work. Ratchet felt sorry for Elita, having to deal with Prime’s backfires. 

Unbeknownst to Ratchet, Sideswipe heard everything between him and Optimus. He had been spying on them to see how the prank was working, and was pleased with its success thus far. 

“Oh Primus, that was hysterical!” Sides said, still holding his abdominal plates from his silent laughter. Sunny, feeling his mirth through their bond asked Sides what was so funny. Sides promptly sent a recording of everything he had heard to his brother. All Sides felt from his brother for the next few moments was Sunny roaring with laughter through the bond. 

“Ratchet is gonna have both our helms for this, Sides, but it is SO worth it!” Sunny said through the bond, exploding with laughter once again. 

“You are so right, Sunny, never mind what Prime will do to us!” Sides said, laughing. “But I am way more afraid of ol’ Hatchet than Prime, any day!”

Sides finally got himself under control and made his way back to his and Sunny’s quarters, where they could play Sides’ recording again. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are gonna get explosive for poor Ironhide!

After much debate, the next victim is ……Ironhide! As much as I love Bee, I couldn’t pass up the chance to write Ironhide, seeing as he is so crude. It will fit in very well with this story. LOL! I would like to thank everyone who read, reviewed and enjoyed this story so far. I would name you all individually, but my short term memory is fried from brain surgery. This way I don’t leave anyone out! On with the show!

 

Ironhide woke early, as was his custom, and began cleaning his cannons. He had wanted to clean them the previous night, but found himself rather - ahem - busy. If there was one thing ‘Hide loved more than his cannons, it was his Chromia! He was so engrossed in cleaning his cannons that he didn’t hear Chromia come up behind him. 

‘Hide, sweetspark, I brought you some energon. I brought an extra large cube for you this morning. After all, a big mech like you needs extra energy for your activities” she purred seductively. 

“Not now, Mia! I’m busy!” Ironhide grumbled. “Ah gotta get my babies nice’n clean so I can get t’the shootin’ range. I need to be in top form so I can blast them Decepticon punks!”

“You won’t have enough energy for all of that shooting without your energon” Chromia teased.

“Femme, ah can go a whole week without energon and still kick Decepticon can. One day isn’t gonna make a bit a diff’rence! Now please, Mia, let me finish!” ’Hide groused.

Chromia was usually patient with Ironhide, even when he was being stubborn, but now she had reached her limit. “Ironhide, if you don’t drink this energon NOW you will be recharging on the couch for a week!” 

“All right, Mia. I’ll drink it” he murmured. For all his bravery, Ironhide knew when he was beaten! An Irate Chromia was a dangerous Chromia! ’Hide downed the enormous cube in one huge gulp, belched loudly and went back to cleaning his cannons. Once he finished, he kissed Chromia quickly, and made his way to the shooting range. 

As he made his way through the hallways and out of the hangar, he started to feel a slight twinge in his tanks. Never one to pay attention to his body unless limbs were missing (or Primus forbid, his cannons!) he shrugged it off and continued walking. He reached the outdoor range and began preparing his targets. After finishing that, he began warming up his cannons. Major Lennox walked up behind him just as he was ready to begin.

“Hey Ironhide! Mind if I watch for a minute? I love seeing your cannons in action!” Lennox said.

“Sure, fleshy, just don’t get in the way. Ah wouldn’t wanna hafta explain THAT to your spark mate”. He turned and raised his right cannon, aimed and fired. BANG! BRAAAAAAP! BANG! BRAAAAAP! BANG! BRAAAAAAP! Every time ‘Hide would fire, he would also *ahem* backfire!

Lennox was frantically trying to get ‘Hides attention, something that was nearly impossible while he was on the shooting range! Finally, after about ten minutes of frantic waving and screaming (and covering his nose with his shirt), Will was able to get ‘Hide’s attention. 

“Ironhide, that really stinks!” Will said, still covering his nose.

“You dare insult my shooting! I’ll tear you apart!” (sorry, couldn’t resist that line from the movie!) Ironhide roared.

“No! I would never do that!” Will said, backing away slowly. “You are an awesome shot. I was referring to your, uh, backfires” Will said. “Those things are deadly weapons! Fire a few of those at the ‘Cons and you’ll have the war won for sure!” he quipped. “I gotta go now, Hide. I have a group of new recruits coming. See ya around, Ironhide!” Will called as he walked away. As he left, Ironhide resumed his target practice, and Will resumed his wishing for a gas mask!

A few hours later, Hide returned to the hangar. Much to his ire, Sunny and Sides were there. “What are you two screw-ups doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be out on patrol?” ‘Hide grumped. 

“Hey, Hide; don’t get your tailpipe in a twist. We have evening patrol today, so we just decided to hang out and keep you company” Sides said with a snicker. 

“If you two want to keep your chassis in one piece, you’ll BRAAAAAAP leave me BRAAAAAP! alone!” 

“Oh man bro! That is ripe!” Sunny yelled. “I’m getting out of here before it peels my paintjob!

“No joke, bro! That’s strong enough to melt my cybertanium blades. Uh oh Sunny! RUN!!” Sides yelled as Ironhide took off running after them, backfiring the whole way! 

“I’ll catch you two yet BRAAAAAAP and when I do, BRAAAAAP you’ll wish you were never created!” Ironhide roared. 

Even as angry as Ironhide was, he knew he could never catch the twins, so he decided to pursue something more worthwhile; namely his Chromia. He decided to stop by the rec room first, and grab a quick cube of energon. Chasing the twins left him a bit hungry. He downed the cube in one gulp once again and turned to Jazz, who had just walked in. 

“Jazz, have you seen Mia?” Ironhide grunted. 

 

“Nah man, ah just came in here to kick it for awhile” Jazz said, grabbing the television remote. 

Ironhide turned to leave the rec room, but before he could- BRAAAAAAAAP! BRAAAAAAAP! Ironhide’s backfire was so massive it knocked Jazz off the couch and on to the floor! 

“Oh Primus, Ironhide! That reeks, man! What crawled up your tailpipe and died?” Jazz groaned, fanning his servo in front of his noseplates. 

“What’s a matter, Jazz? Can’t take a little backfire? Ironhide chuckled.

“Where you’re concerned, Ironhide NOTHING is little!” Jazz coughed, getting off the floor. Ironhide left, continuing his search for Chromia, and Jazz went back to watching TV. “Primus! We’ll never get this smell outta here!” he grumbled, still fanning his noseplates. 

Ironhide continued to search for Chromia, but gave up, deciding to return to their quarters and wait for her instead. He didn’t have to wait long. A few minutes later, the door to their quarters opened with a soft hiss, and in walked Chromia. Ironhide walked over and softly kissed her. 

“Ah missed ya, ’Mia” he rumbled, holding her gently. He felt his tanks start to rumble and cramp again, but knowing what ’Mia would do, he held back. 

“Silly mech! I was just on patrol for a few hours.” She whispered in his audio. She leaned up to kiss him when she heard his tank rumble again. “Are you hungry ‘Hide?” She asked. “I’ll heat up some energon for you, if you want.”   
“Hmm. The only thing I’m hungry for right now is you.” Ironhide growled, pulling her close. He kissed her again, but it was becoming harder to ignore the cramping in his tank. It kept getting more and more painful, but he was so focused on his ‘Mia that he didn’t care. Just as things were really starting to heat up, the inevitable happened. BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!! Poor Ironhide felt like his tanks exploded. Chromia had a look of absolute horror on her faceplates. 

“Good Primus, Ironhide! Did you rupture something? Chromia gasped.

“Sorry, ’Mia. I tried, really I did, but I just couldn’t stop it.” he said. 

“If you’re going to be doing that all night, you’re not staying in here! It took forever to get the odor out the last time!”

“Awww ‘Mia! Please don’t make me go. I’m tryin’ not to backfire, I promise! Ah need ya, ‘Mia!” he pled. Normally Ironhide would never beg, but where ’Mia was concerned; he’d do whatever he had to! 

“I love you, too ’Hide; but you’ll keep me up all night with that noise. Never mind the smell! Ugh! It’s getting thick in here already! Sorry, sweetspark, but you can’t stay here tonight.”

“But ‘Mia!” BRAAAAAAAAP! “Sorry love” ‘Hide grunted sheepishly. 

“Phew! That’s foul, ‘Hide! Out, now, before it gets worse!”

“Alright, ‘Mia, I’ll go, but you’re not getting off that easily. Ah want ya, and ahm gonna have ya, even if I have to wait awhile, femme!” He looked at her with desire smoldering in his optics as he left.


End file.
